It's Like An Ocean Between
by Amehh
Summary: Join James as he scours Hogwarts and other less prestigious schools for his future wife. A slightly obnoxious, dark but humorous story about trials and finally finding the right one. RR. LJ.


Title: It's like An Ocean Between.

Summary: Join James as he scours Hogwarts and other less prestigious schools for his future wife. A slightly obnoxious, dark but humorous story about trials and finally finding the right one.

Chapter: Golden (or rather Coppery)

Posted: 12.10.07

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I twirled the green salad, no dressing, around my fork, bored out of my bloody mind.

**Current Location: **Room of Requirement

Ah, the room, originally named by one of the founders, most probably Hufflepuff. An extraordinary find by Messer. Padfoot and myself – if must say. And knowing me, I must. Okay, so Sirius bullied one of the very willing house elves to tell him, but that doesn't count. We found it before they told us the name (in house-elfish of course, but thanks to the brilliance of the Marauders, we managed to translate rather easily).

Tonight my date had imagined the most expensive French restaurant she could, believing herself of taking advantage of my deep pockets. I followed the routine, letting the girl think of the idea, feeding her some silly lie about having known what she wanted all along while either Remus, Peter or Sirius paced the 7th floor hallway as I distracted said smitten girl.

**Current Eating Habit: **Deep Throat

I had of course, been the gentleman, and let her choose her favourite foods – forcing myself to agree to this one's abnormal habits.

To my disgust (second of the night in the first ten minutes –not bad, but not good either) she had ordered rabbit food, with some minuscule slices of toast propped on the side as some sort of garnish.

"What are they?" I found myself wondering out loud, interrupting her babbling.

"They're croutons, silly." She batted her eye lashes outrageously and I fought the urge to hurl.

I wondered why I listened to Padfoot in the first place – he had managed to get me to go out with the twig in front of me who enjoyed crumbling _croutons_ and severing tomato cherries, mashing those up and mixing everything up into some kind of salad toss. During all of this, she had not stopped for breath as she babbled about everything and anything. I don't know why I used to think babbling was endearing. I thought babbling made you seem nervous, cute in a way. These days it sickens me to some extent, the endless drone and the nuances of a ditzy girl's voice bitch about her fellow peers.

Watching incredulously, I gaped as she consumed one shred of the "tossed" salad, and pushed her plate away.

"Nature's call." She told me, not even sticking around to watch my face distort in disgust. Whether it was her damned women problems, an actual need for the gold rimmed toilet, or the mental call for choking on something long, I knew I was about to find out soon enough.

Much too soon, my worst fear was confirmed – she was another sharp-thing-down-the-throat. I cringed inwardly as I thought about the state her mouth would be in. I had already agreed with myself that exploring someone else's acid ridden teeth with one's tongue was not enjoyable – I was not ready to experience it again.

**Current Fashion: **Green Frills.

She reappeared and I smiled having nothing else to do – other than looking at her meal, or eating my share, and I didn't want to do either. So I smiled. Considering the normalcy of his girl, it does seem a bit ludicrous of me.

She smiled back, some what hesitantly and I recoiled as I noticed a piece of lettuce sticking between her two front teeth. She sat down, and I took the opportunity to lean forward.

"You know what?" I whisper unintentionally, as if someone could hear us. She leant forward to, taking the chance to get closer to me.

"What?" Her eyes are closed, and I shuddered as her breath rolled over me – I have caught a waft of acid.

"Your shirt really matches your eyes." She looks at me, eye having flown wide open as I mentioned them. She watches as my own hazel eyes fly from her shirt to her teeth to her eyes.

"Stop perving on my twins." She pretends to sound bitchy and annoyed but fails- she enjoyed the thought of attention.

And I thought her smarter than that.

I shook my head inwardly. You can never tell with Ravenclaws. You can never tell.

General Diagnosis – documented by one Remus Lupin.

**Name: **Thalia – "Frills" – Milton

**House:** Ravenclaws, Hogwarts.

**Year: **Sixth

**Illness: **Bulimia, Romantic.

**Comments:** Vomit breath. Disgusting dressing.

**Thesis: **Definitely a first date only.

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**AN: **Originally this story was supposed to be from both James and Lily. But my Lily sides of the story never seemed right, so I scraped her and I've decided to just stick with James. Somehow he is so much more fun to write.

sigh—I love it when it rains.

Anyway, review to let me know what you thought. The second chapter has already been written, and I'm planning to work on the third one after my trials. (I should actually be studying now… but whatever.)

Oh, and I'm in search of a beta. Go me. Thanks for reading.

Review!


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